My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
