Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
