I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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