Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
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