he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
