The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We don't watch enough power rangers
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
