I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
