The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
