im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
