Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
