great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
honey bunches of taint.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
