very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
All the doctor said was why
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