did you get engaged???
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
