how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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