Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
