lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
