You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
