the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
