Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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