I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
