Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
