we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize