Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
