I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
