I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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