Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize