I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he puts the penis in happiness.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
