ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
