I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
