I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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