I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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