The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
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