Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
