i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
