I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
