Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
