I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
