boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
