I wish I could punch you in the face.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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