For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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