There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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