there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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