i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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