I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
