PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
