also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
