and next time when you feel me up, do it right
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Don't tell me you're on acid again
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
