Will you blow on my dice?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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