I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
