Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
