Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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