At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
