my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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