I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
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