i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize