it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
