lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
