thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
