Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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