people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
