I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
