ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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