haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
