Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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