Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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