you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Rumble strips road head = magical
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
